Friday, January 05, 2007


Scary Christmas

The Squeeze and I went to Weezie's on Christmas morning to visit Brynn and Zoe and take some gifts that we had for them. At the time, Brynn was just two weeks short of being six months old, so she was more interested in chewing on the wrapping paper than understanding what was inside it all. Nearly two-year-old Zoe, on the other hand, was all about tearing open the goods to see what was hidden within.

The first gift that Zoe opened was a little Fisher Price "Little People" set with a prince and princess with a dancefloor and horse and carriage. That held her interest for about a second because, hey, there was another big box for her. She tore open the wrapping and discovered the box holding TMX Elmo - the toy that I stood in line for in the early, early morning rain a couple of months ago.

Weezie helper her free Elmo from his cardboard prison, and I hit the power switch and pressed one of his tickle zones to put him into action. Weezie, The Squeeze and I were very excited to see her reaction to lovable Elmo as he giggled, laughed, rolled on the floor and righted himself after his laughing fit.

A look of sheer terror came across her face as she threw herself into her mother's arms and trembled and sobbed. Ya, Elmo wasn't an immediate hit. Weezie tried to ease Zoe's fears by saying how Elmo is laughing because he got tickled. "Isn't he funny?" Uhh....apparently, not so much. Zoe kept her eyes on him from a distance and refused to go near him. We tried again a few minutes later, laughing along with Elmo to show her that it was a funny thing, and not a scary thing. Again, it had the same effect. Back into Weezie's arms, more crying and shaking.

I felt like such a heel. Nothing like making a child cry on Christmas morning. I had a flashback at that moment. This wasn't the first time I've done this. About a thousand years ago when I was around 8 years old and my first nephew was about the same age as Zoe, I bought him a huge stuffed Big Bird that I figured he'd love. He tore it open, found this huge yellow bird taller than he was, and began shrieking in terror. I recall my whole family looking at me like I was sprouting another head, as if I had predicted this outcome. Again, heel.

It's been nearly two weeks now, and Zoe is still as fond of Elmo as she was Christmas morning. Weezie and I joke that she'll have to get Elmo out in order to make her stop misbehaving. Ya, I know, but it cracks us up.

I just wish I had a video camera going when she opened it. I bet it could have won me some cash on America's Funniest Home Videos. It's almost worth putting up the tree again and re-wrapping Elmo and having Zoe open it again so I can capture it on film.

But that would be cruel.

Wouldn't it?

Hi! Found my way here from FWG's blog.

I don't think re-wrapping Elmo would be cruel at all. Not when it's for the sake of comedy. You could always share your prize-winnings with Zoe if you were consumed with guilt for making a little girl cry. Again.
Hi there. Thanks for stopping by. I've been reading your blog since he plugged you ( know what I mean) on his blog. You crack me up. Love your views on religion. I knew that if FWG recommended your blog, it would have to be good. He's a very discriminating fellow. Blacks and Jews mostly...occasionally the Irish, but he cuts them some slack on St. Patrick's Day.
The Squeeze and I are dragging him out for dinner Saturday night for his birthday. I'll be sure to tell him you stopped by!
Thanks for reading my blog, and I'm thrilled you enjoy my meager offerings of blasphemy.

Today is his birthday? Had I known I would have gotten him a gift. It would have been something grand, I'm sure. Oh well, that's what he gets for not bragging about the celebratory anniversary of his birth.
Good grief. Have you two been talking bout me behing my back? Knock it off.

Hey thanks again to you and the Squeeze for the amazing night out - oh and for the excellent card. You guys always come up with the most hysterical cards. Don't know how you do it.

As for Zoe and Elmo. You just behave yourself and don't go making her cry. Obviously 2 year olds and 40 year olds do not share the same sense of humor!

I had a similar experience this Christmas where I was the victim. It's no secret that I like dragons and wizards and such. My mother gave me something she thought might be along the same lines.

Dear lord. How to describe it? It's ceramic and clearly one-of-a-kind. The core is volcano-shaped with 3 gigantic teeth spaced evenly around the mouth. Spaced around the base are the following: 2 giant barbed "arms" (for lack of a better word - and I suspect there once was 3 before one broke off) and various types of tentacles - 3 of each variety. The thing is mostly grey and black with splashes of red - the blood of victims I presume. It's all rather horrifying - to a 38 year old, anyway. But if Zoe were to get a laugh out of it I'd be happy to trade it for the Elmo.

I haven't figured out what it is yet so I've tentatively named it -

the Tritentapussoir...

because fwmzkau would have been unpronouncable
Funny. My sister got TMX Elmo for Christmas and it didn't scare her at all. Of course, she's almost 44 years old. On the other hand, our 19-month-old cousin loved it. For the record, TMX Elmo has been a huge hit in my family.
Hey, I got totally sucked into You Tube one afternoon. There are so many videos of dogs freaking out in the presence of Tickle Me Elmo. It's unbelievable the reaction that little monster causes in animals and small children!
It's because dogs and children can sense evil.
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