Tuesday, April 28, 2009


At Least She Wasn't Wearing A Dress

Saturday morning I met up with my baby-mama for the hand-off of the girls. My niece was having a birthday party for her son who was turning three, and for the event she rented a pretty cool indoor playground facility for a few hours that we ventured to.

There were about a dozen or so youngsters in attendance along with a variety of parents. All of the kids had a blast climbing up the platforms and weaving their way through paths and across bridges and down a variety of slides. There was an eating area where we had a bite to eat and to do the customary birthday cake and singing of 'Happy Birthday' and destruction of wrapping paper, after which the kids returned to the play area.

Throughout the time we were there, I had to take Zoe to pee once and had to take Brynn a few times to wash various food items from her hands. Each time we were in there, Brynn said "I don't have to pee yet." She's getting so independent.

About an hour before we were due to go, Brynn came running up to me. "Daddy, I have to pee!" "Uh-oh...hope it's not too late," my niece said.

I took her to the bathroom, she pulled down her pants and I lifted her up onto the toilet and I waited to hear the sound of success. She said something about her underpants being wet that I didn't quite catch. Not until after she hopped off the toilet and wiped did I notice that she hadn't pulled down her underpants when she pulled her pants down. I didn't notice because her shirt was just long enough to cover them.

Since I wasn't given a change of clothes for such an emergency, she had to go commando and I had to wash out her underwear in the sink and bag them up for the drive home.

When I came out of the bathroom, my niece asked me if we made it in time. "We did, but things didn't go well once we were in there."

As word of our misadventure in the bathroom made the rounds, much laughter filled the place. Brynn went back to playing and having fun with the other kids, and I was ever so grateful that she was wearing pants that day.

The next night I discovered an e-mail from my baby-mama that said she got quite a laugh out of Brynn saying "Daddy made me pee my pants" several times that afternoon and the next day.

I hope this won't require years of therapy for her.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Some Random Stuff

I tell ya, that little girl of mine is too cute.

Easter Sunday, The Squeeze and I picked up the kids and headed to my brother and sister-in-law's place for lunch with the family. Upon entering the house, Brynn hawk-eyed in on some foil wrapped chocolate eggs that were "hidden" behind the couch in the living room. She drew in a gasp and began scooping up the goods. Then she saw more under the table, and on the window ledge, and by the TV, and around the piano, and by the lamp. She was scooping up chocolate like nobody's business. Zoe just stood by, looking at everyone while Brynn lost her mind.

As people milled about and found their way into the kitchen, dining room or family room, Brynn and I found ourselves alone in the living room for a moment. She walked up to the ceramic bunny bowl on the end table, brought her face in line with the bunny's and said "Thank you." That just melted my heart. To witness the sweetness, the innocence and the kindness of those words...I just can't tell you what I felt inside.

And now for something completely different....

Yesterday I had an elderly couple come into my shop to have an old wedding picture framed. I believe it was the woman's parents or grandparents in the photo, I don't recall which. At one point another client came in to pick something up and asked "Oh, is that your wedding picture?". If I were them, I'd be quite insulted. "Just how old do you think we are?" I'd ask. But they didn't seem bothered.

Obviously the photo was black & white, gray tones to be precise, so I was sorting through some gray mats to compliment the photo. They didn't like the gray, they wanted black. OK, no problem. A bit harsh and heavy for the piece, but it's not hanging on my wall. Then she asked for a metal frame. Again, not what I would pick. She wound up choosing a black metal frame with silver stripes. A little busy for my taste, but like I said...

After entering everything into the system, they got up and started to leave the store when the husband asked me the price of a framed nude sketch. As I looked at our stock list for the price, his wife really seemed to want to rush him out of the place. "What do you want with that picture? You don't know the lady." I gave him the price and they left.

I walked around the table to put the frame sample back on the wall and that's when I saw it.

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Poppy peed on Jerry's couch? That's right. The chair he was sitting on had a big wet spot. I'm thinking that's why the wife was trying to rush him out of there. She must have noticed it, or perhaps noticed that his pants were wet.

I spent the next hour or so blotting, diluting with water, blotting, diluting, blotting, spraying with Lysol, diluting, blotting. Out, out, damned spot! Out I say!

The fun never ends here.

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