Friday, August 24, 2007
Our Week At The Cottage
We returned from our relaxing and booze-filled vacation on August 18th, and I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to get on here until tonight. I'm sure FWIG will have some tales to tell, but this is my story. And I'm sticking to it! So here's a recap of the week...
Saturday:
After getting the ark loaded nearly to the ceiling, The Squeeze and I headed down the highway and picked up FWIG. How we managed to add his stuff (golf clubs and all) to the already packed ark, I really don't know. We stopped at a sub shop moments after that for a quick lunch before taking the long trek north. The strange fellow behind the counter kept making odd comments about my sub selection. "That's a pretty big sub, eh?" And while we sat eating, he even called out "How are you enjoying that sub?" Ya, buddy, just give me the sub, leave me alone and nobody gets hurt.
We followed the directions provided by the owner, and finally made our way down the long stone driveway. And I mean long. It wound and swerved around for quite some time until we
made it to this quaint little bridge.
Ya, I gasped. I figured that the weight of the ark, the mountain of luggage and of course the three strapping lads inside would surely break those dried up little boards like twigs and we'd be the headline in the local paper if and when we are found.
As I slowly approached the bridge, I inhaled deeply, because everyone knows that doing that removes about 800 pounds or so from the vehicle. I'm sure you already know that we made it across without a problem. Clever little readers you are!
Another short jaunt beyond that we found the cottage and its owner, Murray, awaiting our arrival. Murray gave us the grand tour and instructed us on the procudures for getting water to the tank and using the propane lights, etc. etc. After I signed my life and bank account away, Murray headed home and we began to unload the booze. I mean...ok, ya, I mean booze. Part of the plan of this week was for The Squeeze and I to get rid of a lot of the partially full bottles of assorted booze and a lot of our wine from the wine rack. I think we had about 5 or 6 cases of booze. There would be no need to visit a liquor store. Until Monday. Hey, we ran out of vodka. What can I say? It was a big seller.
But let's get back to Saturday, shall we?
By the time we unloaded everything and claimed our rooms, the local grocery store was closed. Having no food to eat for dinner, we decided to go out to a local restaurant for dinner. We figured we'd do the same for breakfast the next morning and then do our shopping for the remainder of the week. We found a little greasy spoon on the outskirts of the nearby town. Interestingly enough it was called "Outskirts". Some places just name themselves. The signs posted on the door seeking an experienced cook and waitstaff should have made us think twice, but we were hungry and perhaps temporarily blind.
This is how Chilli spent the entire week:
a huge honkin' dock spider up FWIG's shirt (EWWWWWWWW!!!!)
Saturday:
After getting the ark loaded nearly to the ceiling, The Squeeze and I headed down the highway and picked up FWIG. How we managed to add his stuff (golf clubs and all) to the already packed ark, I really don't know. We stopped at a sub shop moments after that for a quick lunch before taking the long trek north. The strange fellow behind the counter kept making odd comments about my sub selection. "That's a pretty big sub, eh?" And while we sat eating, he even called out "How are you enjoying that sub?" Ya, buddy, just give me the sub, leave me alone and nobody gets hurt.
We followed the directions provided by the owner, and finally made our way down the long stone driveway. And I mean long. It wound and swerved around for quite some time until we
made it to this quaint little bridge.
Ya, I gasped. I figured that the weight of the ark, the mountain of luggage and of course the three strapping lads inside would surely break those dried up little boards like twigs and we'd be the headline in the local paper if and when we are found.
As I slowly approached the bridge, I inhaled deeply, because everyone knows that doing that removes about 800 pounds or so from the vehicle. I'm sure you already know that we made it across without a problem. Clever little readers you are!
Another short jaunt beyond that we found the cottage and its owner, Murray, awaiting our arrival. Murray gave us the grand tour and instructed us on the procudures for getting water to the tank and using the propane lights, etc. etc. After I signed my life and bank account away, Murray headed home and we began to unload the booze. I mean...ok, ya, I mean booze. Part of the plan of this week was for The Squeeze and I to get rid of a lot of the partially full bottles of assorted booze and a lot of our wine from the wine rack. I think we had about 5 or 6 cases of booze. There would be no need to visit a liquor store. Until Monday. Hey, we ran out of vodka. What can I say? It was a big seller.
But let's get back to Saturday, shall we?
By the time we unloaded everything and claimed our rooms, the local grocery store was closed. Having no food to eat for dinner, we decided to go out to a local restaurant for dinner. We figured we'd do the same for breakfast the next morning and then do our shopping for the remainder of the week. We found a little greasy spoon on the outskirts of the nearby town. Interestingly enough it was called "Outskirts". Some places just name themselves. The signs posted on the door seeking an experienced cook and waitstaff should have made us think twice, but we were hungry and perhaps temporarily blind.
There were maybe 5 or 6 tables of townsfolk sitting around the place and only one waitress for the place. That wouldn't be a problem in most restaurants, but for some reason it just seemed to spell disaster. Lucky for me I ordered soup to start because that would have to do me for about an hour while we waited for our food to arrive. FWIG, after mocking me for my general love of soup, eventually broke down and ordered a bowl before his stomach began to consume itself. We had both ordered fish & chips, The Squeeze ordered a stuffed pork dish. At one point, the waitress finally appeared and apologized for the delay. "The fish is frozen, so we have to [I can't believe I'm typing this] unthaw it." Unthaw. No wonder it took so long. It must be quite a challenge to re-freeze frozen fish. How does one know when it's done?
Finally we saw her emerge with a couple of plates and she walked toward our table, and kept on going to the table behind us. Oh. My. God. We were thinking everyone else in the place was already done. Turns out this cruel trick would be played on us a few more times before at long last our food was delivered. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said we sat there for about an hour before the food arrived. The fish was edible at best. The Squeeze's pork was bone dry. By this time though I could have eaten the business end of a dead skunk.
We blew that popsicle stand, hit a variety store for some bread, milk, cheese and crackers, each grabbed an ice cream cone for dessert and headed back to the cottage. I'm going to guess that we cracked open a bottle of wine, and then we headed down to the dock to lay back and look at the amazing display of stars in the black sky. A great night to a hectic day.
Sunday:
The day began with the three of us making our way to the local tourist information centre. What better place to get a good recommendation for a decent restaurant for breakfast. They didn't steer us wrong. We loaded up on a great breakfast and moved on to get our groceries. And man, did we shop! I think we blew over $300 that day alone. We picked up enough cheese to bind up a senior's home.
When we arrived back at the cottage, we found our friend Pablo and his dog Chilli had arrived. This guy really loves Ontario's northland. He flew in from Vancouver for this vacation. I'm not sure if he ever revealed to us how he made it inside the locked cottage while we were gone.
This is how Chilli spent the entire week:
Our first dinner together that night was pretty amazing. Planked salmon, roasted corn on the cob along with some rice and asparagus. Ummm....ya, and a couple bottles of wine.
FWIG wrote a little something in the guest book that the owners keep for people to leave their comments. He wrote a week's worth of posts from the point of view of a man who seemingly is driven mad while at the cottage. Complete with mention of the rain making the ground easier to dig "the holes", and the lake looking like blood. And I was kinda hoping we might rent the place sometime in the future.
The Rest of the Week:
OK, it's a bit of a blur. Could have been all the booze, I don't know. All I can say is that it involved some Lego
a three day Monopoly game
some scenery
uhhh.....ya (and this is with a couple of cases of wine hidden in the bedroom closet)
a huge honkin' dock spider up FWIG's shirt (EWWWWWWWW!!!!)
and one tired Chilli dog.
To my amazement, I received a note from the owners with my deposit refund yesterday. This is the note:
Did that say "it has all happened"?
# posted by Dave @ 6:01 PM 
Comments:
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Wow. I guess they missed the subtle references to a crazed man killing his family. Unless that's what really happened! In which case - I'll decline on the re-booking for next year idea, thanks.
Hmm. No u after the q in 'eebizqe'. Must be French.
Hmm. No u after the q in 'eebizqe'. Must be French.
Damn, just had a thought. Could we have used these alien words in our Scrabble match? I could have cscxvo'd up!
That sounds like a lovely vacation, even your liver now needs a vacation itself.
That FWIG is a funny guy, isn't he?
Not enough msxrlvz though.
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That FWIG is a funny guy, isn't he?
Not enough msxrlvz though.
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