Freak Magnet Dave

I received my list of interview questions from Kathleen recently, so I guess it's time to come up with some answers, but first...the fine print:

Interview rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Alright, so where was I? Oh yes, now I remember.

1) What made you decide to lose weight?

I've tried it several times before with limited success. The idea to finally get my act together hit me just over a year ago after Brynn was born and I immediately fell in love with her. I realized that I wanted to be around to watch her grow up and one day walk her down the aisle. Also, the thought of her not having a dad to spoil her was heartbreaking, and I was determined to do whatever I could to remove that possibility. I drove around with a picture of her propped up in my car to remind me to stay out of the fast food drive-throughs. Sort of like how Homer Simpson covered up the sign that Mr. Burns put in his work station that said "Don't forget, you're here forever", so it said "Do it for her" and had pictures of Maggie up there covering the extra letters. (I guess he made the "i" out of the "n" & the " ' "). Look at me over-thinking! Anyway, after some stress at work earlier this year, I didn't have much of an appetite, and I figured, if life hands you tapens, make tapenade. Mmmm...tapenade. So I started to go for walks in the morning to clear my head and then started to keep an eye on the scale. I figured this is something I could control as opposed to many other parts of my life that I couldn't. Serenity prayer, anyone? Happily, it all seems to be going well. I've set a realistic goal and I'm more than half way there now. Feeling better is a huge bonus, and I'm not feeling deprived, which is very important for me. I still have occasional treats, but I make them small rather than extra large. We tend to not bring crap into the house, so we're not tempted to eat it. Of course, the most important part is staying active. I'm on that treadmill for one hour every morning, rain or shine. My goal is to be able to shop in a regular clothing store and not a "big & tall" shop where everything is twice the price. Damn it, fat people aren't necessarily rich! What, because they think we have lots of cash to blow on food we can sign over our paycheck for a dress shirt? whew...rant over. Another big reason for doing it was because unlike most people who are carbon-based, I am fear-based. I thought, "If my business fails, I'll need to get a job somewhere, and who would hire a 375 pound guy?" I also recall seeing an interview with some doctor who made the comment that obese people generally do not live long lives. "Show me an obese 80 year old" he said. Good point. The fear of dying early and leaving The Squeeze alone tore me apart. I want us to live a long happy life together. 'sniff'...Tito, pass me a tissue.

2) Is your life how you thought it would be after agreeing to help Weezie have a baby?

It's better than I could have ever imagined. Looking after Brynn when she was younger was a bit scary because I didn't have a freaking clue what I was doing. I certainly didn't ever sleep when she stayed at our place overnight in case I didn't hear her crying in the night. Slim chance of that slipping past me! The Squeeze and I had some discussion about my doing this. Mostly about how this would change our lifestyle and the responsibility involved in being a father. I am SO glad we agreed to do it. I really can't get enough of Brynn. I also get the added bonus of being Daddy to her big sister Zoe too, so that's really cool. We see them every weekend, and it bums us out when we have to leave and they head off to bed. The Squeeze and I keep looking forward to the time when they are a couple of years older and we can take them to different functions and events, have them as flower girls at our wedding...stuff like that.

3) What's the best part about living in your city (Hamilton)?

Good question. We're actually living in a neighbouring city with lower taxes and a cleaner and less scary downtown, so I'm loving that. A benefit is that there's a fairly good cultural community here that offers lots to do (theatre, music, movies, festivals). We're close to the big city of Toronto and close to Niagara Falls and its wine country. Ya, I suppose the best part would be its proximity to all we need.

4) Other than your recent trip to St. Louis, when was your most recent trip to the States? Where did you go and what did you do?

Hmm...I'm terrible with dates and things, but I think it was a few years back when we visited a friend in Vancouver and we took a day trip into Seattle. Pike Place Market, the original Starbucks (ooh, ahh). I'm kind of hard-pressed to think of what all we did there besides shop.

5) How did you know FWG?

I was out for a drive in a rather seedy part of town one night many years back, and while I was waiting for a red light to change, this strange, long-bearded, ragged, down-on-his luck kind of guy stepped up to my car with a squeegie and a spray bottle, and had the most pathetic look in his eyes. I said something like "don't you dare touch my car, asshole" or "get a job" or some such thing. And he said, "but mister, I just need to get enough money for a haircut". "Well today's your lucky day, I've got my own clippers! Hop in!" So we headed back to my place, where I scoured about four months of filth off of him a la Silkwood in our shower. While I waited for the Raid louse fogger bomb to do its thing in the shower when we finished scrubbing him down, I misted the sad fellow's hair and beard with Dettol and tore through the tangles with a wide-tooth disposable comb. I lopped off several inches of unkempt hair before I was able to pass through with the #3 guide on my clippers. Surprisingly, he cleaned up quite well. We decided to keep the beard, but I insisted it be close-cropped to match his stylish new haircut. I gave him a spare toothbrush and showed him how to brush his teeth. Unfortunately, he lost a couple of them during this first effort and I realized something had to be done. I put him on my benefits plan, naming him as my spouse, and after several painful trips to the orthodentist, he has a mouth full of perfect teeth. We've been keeping up with the haircuts and the clean teeth for quite some time, until the day I met The Squeeze. Not wanting to scare him off, I told him that FWG is just a friend. Besides, by this time, I had lined up a good job for FWG so he was pulling in a pretty good salary. So my only option was to kick FWG out of the house so I could be with The Squeeze. Thanks to my willingness to help out a sad, pathetic soul, FWG is the man he is today.

Or...he's been friends with The Squeeze for over 20 years and that's how I know him.
Take your pick.

So if anyone wishes to be interviewed by yours truly, lemme know and I'll see what I can come up with.