Freak Magnet Dave

I've been wondering recently, where have all the freaks gone? I mean, I've had the occasional slightly odd person cross my path, but I'm talking about the type that you can't make up. Wonder no more. I met her this morning...and it stretched out to this afternoon.

I was sitting at the computer at work doing some on-line research, hoping to locate a print that a client asked us to look for, when the front door opened. In stumbled a woman with high heels and huge hair. I'm talking tall, curly, streaked, with some kind of bandana thing going on in there somewhere. She dragged with her two large framed pictures, a cardboard tube and a very large purse. She asked if I was The Partner. "No, I'm his partner," I informed her.
"Oh, ok...I know his partner," she said, meaning his life partner, not me. Still with me?
Since she could hardly seem to recall his name, I'm sure they're quite close.
While she was talking to me, she opened the door and walked back out to her car, still talking, to drag in another huge framed oil painting.

The woman proceeded to remove two prints from the cardboard tube and I recognized the artist immediately, since I purchased some of his work on the east coast a few years back. She brought one of the framed pieces along as a reference of the kind of artwork she has in the room she planned to put these pieces in. OK, it's a seascape, so are the two prints. I get the idea. Why she felt the need to bring it in is beyond me because she said the new ones don't need to match it. Allllrighty then.

I pick out a blue mat and she immediately protests. "But it's a blue picture, what other colour were you thinking of putting in there?"
"I don't know...maybe brown to go with that rock."
Oh dear god, kill me now. I pulled out a brown mat that matched the rock, and immediately she said, "Oh no, I don't like that. Maybe a blue will work."
Guess what shade of blue she liked? Anyone? Yep, that's right. The first one I had picked out. Then she asked if we had any marbled mats. I had to break the bad news to her that although the other piece she brought in (her daughter's diploma) was done with a marbled mat, they were, in fact, quite out of style and rather unavailable. I showed her the six or eight remaining colours available in a marbled mat, but they weren't just ugly, they were fugly.

"How much would it cost to do another one like my daughter's diploma?"
"I'll have to figure that out in the computer, but let's finish this one first."

We settled on the mat and frame for the first piece and I began entering the information into the computer. When I asked her for her postal code, she drew a blank, but said it's out in the car. Again, while talking to me, she walked out to the car, kept talking as if I could still hear her, and brought in some form of ID that had her postal code. I got everyting entered and gave her the price.

Then she rolled out the next piece, another seascape. Part way through that one, she starts asking me how much it would cost to frame a mirror she has at home. I told her that since we have about 1400 samples, it varies quite a bit. So off she went pulling samples off the wall for her mirror when we hadn't finished the second seascape yet.

"Oh what time is it?", she asked.
"It's 11:20," I told her. She had been in the shop about 45 minutes by that time.
"I should be going, I have such a migraine from the weather. So what frame would look good on this one?"

About 15 minutes later, she finally came to a decision on the frame for the second piece. While I had my back turned and was beginning to enter the components into the computer, she had rolled up the two pieces and put them back in the tube before I had a chance to measure the second one. So she had to pull them back out so I could get that information. I gave her the price on the second piece, and that's when she asked for a discount. So because she at one time met my business partner's spouse, yet didn't even know his name, she figured she could get a discount the very first time she brings something in. I explained that generally we do bulk discounts when doing many of the same item, since our suppliers give us a break on those orders. I didn't bother to tell her that we give discounts to our regular loyal customers. She'd learn that down the road somewhere.

"Oh, I really don't feel well...I should be going. Do you think this oil painting could be revived with a new frame?" OK, aparently she's not that ill.
So I start showing her some new combinations for the large oil painting that would give it some new life, and within seconds she was back on the mirror. "It's about 3 feet by 5 feet," she said.
"Well, let me enter everything in for the oil painting and then we can look at a frame for your mirror."

I gave her the price of the large oil which was over $500, so she wanted to see other options. Of course she didn't like anything else she saw because the first one looked so great on it. Since she had rolled up the other prints, I kind of figured she was just getting prices, so I told her we could just leave in what we had and later on when she's ready we can take a look at other options for it.

Next she began pulling more frames off the wall for this mirror of hers. Of course, she's looking at some of the most expensive moldings, and she wanted to stack two of them together to make a huge frame. Ca-Ching!

"What time is it?" she asked again.
"It's 12:15," I answered.
"Oh, I need to go, I have a client at 1:00," she said.
"Well, I'll just enter the information for the mirror and give you an idea of the price."
"Do you have a bathroom I could use?" she asked.
"Sure, just back there in the corner, light switch is on the left."

While I entered the information for the mirror, she walked to the bathroom and washed her hands, and then my jaw hit the floor. She left the door open, and next thing you know, she was pissing like a racehorse in there. Then there was a flush, and no sound of washing hands after the deed was done. I don't know what grossed me out most. So many things to choose from.

I gave her the price for the mirror, which was about $1200 using the frames she selected. She didn't seem too bothered by it. She gathered up her pictures and took them out to her car, and brought in a photo of her daughter. "What frame would look good with this?"

For someone who didn't feel well and had an appointment, she sure did take her time hanging around here. I showed her a couple of ideas, but didn't bother to put anything in the computer at this point. She borrowed a couple of samples to check the colour for the mirror, and I'm hoping I get them back. She said she'd bring them back tomorrow or her husband will bring them back this afternoon.

I'm hoping he brings them back today. I'm dying to know what kind of guy could put up with a scattered character like that. If things get more interesting I'll be sure to update.