Freak Magnet Dave

Sunday we threw a party to celebrate The Squeeze's 50 birthday. We've been planning it for a number of months and it all led to October 19 at 3:00pm. We arranged for the party at a golf course between Hooterville and our own city, so it's not a killer drive for anyone. We got there around 1:00 to get the balloons blown up and arranged, and to set up the chocolate fountain and all the dipping items.

People started trickling in just before 3:00, and The Squeeze and I accepted the help of our friends in finishing the balloons while we got changed. The bar was open and the drinks were flowing, veggie and cheese platters were being sampled, and did I mention the chocolate fountain? If there is one thing people need at a party, it's a chocolate fountain.

There were about 90 people in attendance, and dinner was set to be served around 5:00. At 4:30, an announcement was made. This was much more than a birthday party. It was our surprise wedding. The Squeeze and I were outside of the building on opposite sides with our witnesses, listening through the open doors and gasps, cheers, and applause filled the hall. And then the music started. Our witnesses entered the hall and stood by our lay chaplain, then The Squeeze and I walked in toward each other and took our positions. As the ceremony was being performed, I looked into the crowd and saw faces streaked with tears of joy, and looks of shock and disbelief that we managed to keep this all a secret.

We said our vows, we signed the register, we had our first marital kiss, and exited the hall to our closing number "At Last" by Etta James. We were quickly followed out by our family and friends who congratulated us for taking the plunge and keeping it a secret, and cursed us for keeping it a secret. "I would have had my hair and nails done" was heard from more than one person.

It was a hard secret to keep, but we had to keep it to get the desired effect. The only person we told was The Squeeze's gay cousin's ex-wife, Doc Swallows, who acted as our photographer. We had to make sure she was up to doing this for us, and she was thrilled. Doc took a boatload of pictures of The Squeeze and me, with siblings, with kids, with in-laws, you name it. I can't wait to see the pictures. The ones I most want to see are the shots she took of the crowd when the lay chaplain announced the wedding was taking place. I am dying to see the looks on their faces.