Wednesday, July 08, 2009



Let me preface this by saying I am not a fan of critters. Spiders, snakes, rodents, name it, I call for The Squeeze to rescue me. Unless I'm feeling really butch at that moment. So you get the picture. Moving right along...

I left the house this morning with my dog on our way to work. Luckily I happen to work a block away from my house, so I usually leave about 15 minutes before I have to open my shop. This gives me ample time to let Stella do her business, and to arrive at the shop, unlock, and power up the computer, and turn on the lights.

This morning, I left a bit later than usual. There was laundry to be done, and some tidying up in the kitchen that was desperately needed. I stepped out the front door, and started walking down the main driveway of our complex when my next door neighbour called out to me from her garage.

I can't think of the last time I saw her, let alone spoke with her. She and her husband are pretty quiet, and keep to themselves. The look on her face showed some distress.

"How are you doing, Mary?"
"I'm OK. Can I ask you a favour?"
"There's a dead mouse in front of my front door."

I'm sure I looked at her with a very blank, dissociative stare, both waiting for and dreading the upcoming question.

"Could you pick it up for me please?"

I could feel my eyes protruding a little bit as I shuddered inside.

"You don't have to do it right now. You can take the dog for a walk first."
"I better do it now, because I'm actually heading to work right now," I informed her.

I stepped to the side to see the offending critter at the entrance to her home, and there it was, lying on its side. Certainly dead. I looked back at Mary and asked if she might have something I could use to pick it up.

"I have a plastic bag," she said, which she then provided.

I've been picking up dog poop for nearly a year, so I just imagined that I was putting the baggie over my hand as if to pick up one of Stella's little piles. I grabbed the mouse by the tail, flipped the bag inside out, and tied it up. I looked in Mary's garage for their garbage can, and she looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"No, no! Put it in yours!" she said.

With time wasting, I didn't have time to go back into my house to throw our HER mouse, so I just said "Nevermind, I'll throw it in the can down the street."

Naturally, Stella had to leave another pile for me as we walked to work, so there I was balancing my bag with my lunch and other things I bring to work, my umbrella, Stella's leash, and a bag with a dead mouse, while I tried to stoop and scoop.

I am SUCH a multi-tasker. And SO butch! The Squeeze won't believe me. Of course, if I do tell him about this, he might expect me to kill my own spiders at home. This just might be our little secret.

Be careful with those neighbors who are quiet and keep to themselves. They could be mass murderers.

And here's a phrase to add to your vocabulary: "Sorry, that's the sort of thing I don't do."
Now,I'll admit to being a big ol' wuss about such things, but it was dead! Why wouldn't she let you put it in her garbage can???

You're a nice guy for a Freak Magnet.
Another phrase to learn: "That's why I have a boyfriend." ;-)
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